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consequences
Nov. 6th, 2008 06:07 pmAgain I've got the opportunity to appreciate daytime TV, or not. That is, daytime TV is horrible.
Normally I don't watch any TV. Only when I'm on sick-leave and have to lie down during the day do I switch on the box. And it's really aweful. I was reduced to switching to the kiddie channel and listening to Spongebob (listening because I was trying to nap).
I'm down for the count right now. All the stress at work has done it and I was heading straight for a burn-out myself. If the pressure gets too much and I don't know what to do first and get no chance to finish one thing properly because of phone calls and emails and extra projects and I start making more and more mistakes, I start getting depressive. The whole works. No sleep, no proper food, either not eating or stuffing myself, crying, headaches, not tidying up the place, not washing... This monday I was so exhausted from lack of sleep that I collapsed at work and was sent home. I told my general practioner what was going on and she was great. She really took it seriously, asked lots of questions and searched for a solution that might work. Now I'm taking an antidepressant and have an appointment with a psychotherapist she recommended. And the pills are starting to work already. This whole mental torture (thinking what still has to be done at work, thinking that there's not time to get it done, constantly thinking about what's gone wrong) has stopped without me really noticing. The down-side is that I'm really tired. Actually I feel a bit dizzy and can't really concentrate. But hopefully that will get better when my body gets accustomed to the meds. In the meantime, I'm on sick-leave. This week and next week too. Although I'm planning to wait and see how I feel this sunday and then I'll decide whether I go into the office on monday or not. Even if I'm not fretting so much anymore I still know that the longer I'm away the more there will be to done once I return. And I'm also worried about my co-worker. She really had a burn-out and is just back. We'd be in real trouble if she too was sick again. At this point everyone, family and friends, tells me that I'm stupid and should worry about getting better myself. Well, that's me. It will be tricky to find a solution at work. We're seriously understaffed, have been for more than half a year. And right now, I'm paying the price. But I don't want to tell my boss I'm depressive and can't cope with work. Everyone is tolerant towards my co-worker, but without it being said it's in the air that she just wasn't tough enough. I just told them I have dizzy spells and that I didn't really know the cause yet. But after I'm back I have to find a way to reduce my workload and/or cut my working hours. The last three months were 10 hours a day minimum, 11 hours regularly and frequently more. Combined with almost 3 hours commuting a day, that didn't leave any time for myself. Just weekends aren't enough to balance that. Especially when you feel that you're constantly failing at work. (I probably have to concentrate more on what I do get done. But everyone, myself included, seems to take that as a given and only notice the mistakes. :sigh: stupid)
Normally I don't watch any TV. Only when I'm on sick-leave and have to lie down during the day do I switch on the box. And it's really aweful. I was reduced to switching to the kiddie channel and listening to Spongebob (listening because I was trying to nap).
I'm down for the count right now. All the stress at work has done it and I was heading straight for a burn-out myself. If the pressure gets too much and I don't know what to do first and get no chance to finish one thing properly because of phone calls and emails and extra projects and I start making more and more mistakes, I start getting depressive. The whole works. No sleep, no proper food, either not eating or stuffing myself, crying, headaches, not tidying up the place, not washing... This monday I was so exhausted from lack of sleep that I collapsed at work and was sent home. I told my general practioner what was going on and she was great. She really took it seriously, asked lots of questions and searched for a solution that might work. Now I'm taking an antidepressant and have an appointment with a psychotherapist she recommended. And the pills are starting to work already. This whole mental torture (thinking what still has to be done at work, thinking that there's not time to get it done, constantly thinking about what's gone wrong) has stopped without me really noticing. The down-side is that I'm really tired. Actually I feel a bit dizzy and can't really concentrate. But hopefully that will get better when my body gets accustomed to the meds. In the meantime, I'm on sick-leave. This week and next week too. Although I'm planning to wait and see how I feel this sunday and then I'll decide whether I go into the office on monday or not. Even if I'm not fretting so much anymore I still know that the longer I'm away the more there will be to done once I return. And I'm also worried about my co-worker. She really had a burn-out and is just back. We'd be in real trouble if she too was sick again. At this point everyone, family and friends, tells me that I'm stupid and should worry about getting better myself. Well, that's me. It will be tricky to find a solution at work. We're seriously understaffed, have been for more than half a year. And right now, I'm paying the price. But I don't want to tell my boss I'm depressive and can't cope with work. Everyone is tolerant towards my co-worker, but without it being said it's in the air that she just wasn't tough enough. I just told them I have dizzy spells and that I didn't really know the cause yet. But after I'm back I have to find a way to reduce my workload and/or cut my working hours. The last three months were 10 hours a day minimum, 11 hours regularly and frequently more. Combined with almost 3 hours commuting a day, that didn't leave any time for myself. Just weekends aren't enough to balance that. Especially when you feel that you're constantly failing at work. (I probably have to concentrate more on what I do get done. But everyone, myself included, seems to take that as a given and only notice the mistakes. :sigh: stupid)
