tingel: (Monkey Island - 3headed monkey)
What R. told me:
A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and notices that her husband is not in the bed. She slips on her bathrobe and leaves the bedroom. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table, deeply lost in thoughts and staring at the wall. She can see a tear slipping out of his eye as he takes a gulp of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear? Why are you sitting here in the kitchen at this time of the night?" she asks him.
"Do you remember, how we had our first date 20 years ago? You were just 16!"
"Of course!"
"Do you remember how your father caught us as we made love on the backseat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember it clearly. I'll never forget that."
"Do you also remember how he held the gun in my face and said: either you marry my daughter or you'll go to prison for 20 years!"
"Oh, yes," she says.
He wipes another tear from his face and says "You know, today I would have been released!"

Oh R., he's a real comedian!
tingel: (Monkey Island - 3headed monkey)
What my coworker, R., told me:
Man goes to see a urologist. Urologist: You really have to stop masturbating. Man: Why? Urologist: Because otherwise I can't examine you.
:head > desk:

Also I've discovered that S., the coworker I share my office with, is after my job! She spent 15 minutes trying to convince me to train to work in a bookstore. Even after I told her that I wouldn't want a job where I had to stand for long hours or do heavy lifting in a storage room and that anyway the stuff I like to read isn't really mainstream so I wouldn't want to have to read books I'm not interested in just to be able to help customers... She just kept on talking right over my head. Only explanation: she wants me gone because she fancies my job! But I'm not so easy to get rid off! Right!!! LOL

And again my paranoid side was tickled: Bossman's PA told us that the both of us, S. and I, had to leave our office at once and go look for a file in the archive. Very suspicious phrasing, that. I immediately imagined R. (coworker see above) welcoming us in the archive room with a cream cake to our faces! Why would it take two to look for one measly file? And why say, leave your office? Well, the archive is tiny but stuffed with unmarked boxes up to the ceiling. It's also (who knows why) right next to marketing > the guys with the cameras > reaallly suspicious. S. and I entered - no R. or any cream cakes in sight - had a fit of giggles, found the file in the very first box we looked into, giggled some more and left after two minutes. Marketing people, warily: what were you doing in there? And as a thank you bossman bought us tons of chocolate. Yummy! THIS ISN'T NORMAL! They probably tried to search our office or R. was to get us with that cream cake when we left the archive but we were too fast and efficient in our file-searching for them! Guys, you need better plots!
tingel: (Monkey Island - 3headed monkey)
One of my coworkers was on sick-leave for three weeks. But now he's back and up to old form. This is what he told me:

A HR manager hires a several new employees, all of them cannibals. He takes their leader to the side and says "Okay, you may work here, but only under one condition: do not eat any of the other employees!" The leader of the cannibals swears on all that is holy that they won't do that.
Several months pass and everyone is fine. No employees get eaten, everyone is happy calmly and efficiently doing their job, until one day the cleaning woman disappears. The HR manager calls the leader of the cannibals to his office and asks him "The cleaning woman has disappeared. Do you know what happened to her? Did anyone of you eat her? You said you wouldn't eat any employees! That was the condition for you to work here!" The leader of the cannibals assures him "I have no idea what happened to her. But we swore to you we wouldn't eat any of the other employees and we didn't eat any. I promise you!" "Fine," said the HR manager "I wonder what has become of her."
Back in his office the leader calls all his cannibals together and starts yelling at them "Who has eaten the cleaning woman?! We said we wouldn't eat any of the other employees! I can't believe this!" All the cannibals stand it a row looking meekly at their feet. "Who did it? Who ate the cleaning woman? If I don't get an answer I'll fire you all!" More silence. Then finally, at the end of the row, the smallest of the cannibals carefully raises his hand. "What is it?" yells the leader. "I ate the cleaning woman," mumbles the smallest cannibal in a timid voice. "You IDIOT!" screams the leader. "All these months we lived off the management board. And now you go and eat her???"

And what does this tell you? Work without managers goes so smoothly that nobody misses them! :evil grin:

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